I have often used this space as a release of the everlasting pain I feel due to the absence of my mother. However, on a mother’s day like today this is a space, in which I wish to share my new profound feeling, as I continue to cope. This has been a year that has influenced my lens and perspective on my own life of the past, the present and future.
So I am taking a moment to pause and reflect on where I am in understanding the reasons why my mother is no longer with me. And the cancer that had overcame her body and mind on November 25, 2008 is
not the reason. There must be a greater reason. I for one believe it is because my mother’s time with my had been already pre-decided. The time that we had together was not indicative of any ordinary story between mother and daughter.
#1: At an early age, I came to an understanding of what compassion meant by watching my own mother struggle with being compassionate to those who lost her trust. Compassion is more than simply feeling and being a mirror of an individual’s feelings. True compassion is everlasting despite what other’s have done to you.
#2: I had the privilege of being taught by a strong individual, who immigrated to the United States on her own, leaving all that she knew and her family behind. And yet, she was able to re-create her own family-often times she told me, Family was always her favorite word. This is something I contemplate each day, as I reflect on my own relationship with my family and my future family. What family means to me a relationship and exchange of unconditional love between yourself and the people that you chose or have not chosen to surround you. This is not an easy process, but process where you continue to learn to love Family, because with moments of happiness comes moments of disappointment. But in Family love is learning to keep the love always. I was subjected to a beautiful love from my mother. A love that I hope to soon re-create with my future children.
#3: I have come to terms that when I had learned that my mother was diagnosed with cancer my faith and love for God was challenged. And when I had lost my mother, my life continued to be faced with challenges from all directions friends, school and my own family. Behind my supposed “strength” I had felt weak because I still needed her during those times. How I came to this point in my life, where I have a livelihood and can fully care for myself is what caused me to reflect. So I have come to a realization that I have been blessed this whole time. Do not mistaken this for pride and rather as proclamation and product of hope in action. For despite, those moments of weakness all I had left was hope that then transformed to faith. Hope is an expectation for things to happen. Faith is evidence of the things not seen. I believe that since the loss of my mother, as my life had unfolded that I was able to be blessed with the goodness of the lord.
I continue to practice both my hope and faith, because at one point I will have a family of my own. And I want to be able to be strong and wise, just like my mother. So when my future child asks me, “What was grandma like?” With knowing she never left me and with a full heart, I can and will tell my child,”She was one beautiful woman with a beautiful love that I will always show you.”
- Have a teacher fashion blog?
- A Veggie Blog?
-A Day in the Life of a Teacher blog?
or simply create some blog…
Literally almost shed a tear after work. Im a romantic I know.
Here goes another year. A year that I hope brings more peace into my life. And a year that I hope brings happiness to those I love. I have been giving much thought to what I want as my new year’s resolutions or rather my daily resolutions for 2013. So I thought what a better idea than to blog and reminisce on my 2012 highlights, before thinking what my daily resolutions would be for 2013.
1. Graduating from Berkeley with my friends, while watching those I love graduate
2. Creating a piece of work for my mama with a beautiful cast and leaving it on the stage of Zellerbach
3. Learning that it’s okay to be alone
4. Moving to Phoenix, Arizona
5. Pursuing my passion for the youth and change
6. Meeting and learning from new friends
2013 Daily Resolutions
1. Considering I have my first dental appointment of the year, floss nightly
2. Take 5 minutes at the end of the day to give thanks
3. Run at least 20 minutes 3 times a week
4. Eat more greens and seriously no more sweets unless it’s a special occasion this goes with cooking more :)
5. Once a month do a random act of kindness
6. Finally seek refuge by writing my thoughts and words in a notebook or by typing my feelings into these keys and onto the tumblr network.
I do believe that the above are practical and meaningful for me to do.
So below is my attempt to follow number 6 of my daily resolutions.
Now onward to the thought of the night:
I hope we are
not being too careful that we are preventing a beautiful thing to come from us. And I know what we got is something special nothing is going to change that fact.
Question of the night:
When is it okay for me to finally need someone? (A someone, that without fail will not fail me.)
Anthony Hamilton Pray for Me
“Im ready to be happy, in every sense of the word to be happy.”
And I’ve found it <3